Feeling More Accomplished During a Pandemic (Not the Easiest)

I’ll be the first to admit it, finding motivation these days is almost impossible. I love to write, but not having much to write about on here made it hard for me to do so. For the past few months I’ve been finding myself sitting at my computer every morning for hours on Linked In, just applying for job after job. If I’m lucky to even get a response from the hundreds of employers I’ve reached out to, 99% of the time the response is a “Sorry we decided not to move on with your application”. My frustration and stress with job searching bled into my writing and I would get even more frustrated at the fact that I couldn’t think of something creative enough to write about on here. And so, I took the easy way out and simply just didn’t write. However, I came around and decided it’s not fair for me to deprive myself of something I actually enjoy doing because other aspects of my life are not going the way I would like them to.

I know I’m not the only one who has felt like they were in a rut. I’m pretty sure the whole world feels that way after 2020. Tough part is though, just accepting things aren’t going your way and not doing anything about it is not going to help, even though it is the easiest route to take. Having that mindset is what digs the rut even deeper until it’s nearly impossible to crawl out of. I’ve been there and it is not a fun place to be.

My LEAST favorite saying is “Stop feeling bad for yourself, someone has it way worse”. I HATE IT. It is so demeaning and it completely tries to minimize mental health. Yes, it is true someone probably does have it worse than you, but that does not mean how you feel is not valid. And it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be allowed to feel at all. There is nothing wrong with being dealt a shitty card and not feeling good about it. It shouldn’t matter on what scale of magnitude people choose to believe your problems are. Also, our hardest times in life are our biggest learning moments. So, it’s ok to acknowledge you aren’t in a good place, build that character and life experience. And yes, you’re even allowed to feel bad for yourself because sometimes life just sucks. But, after that, take a step forward and try to make a change if you can. I’m telling you, there is no better feeling than going from feeling bad for yourself, to being proud of yourself.

Covid definitely does not help peoples situations. From searching for nonexistent jobs, to simply just missing friends and family and falling into a bad headspace, this has not been easy. However, there are ways to keep trucking through this pandemic while gaining a sense of accomplishment. Even gaining that sense of accomplishment from different aspects of your life that you didn’t even think about touching. With me just graduating college, I always believed the immediate next step I had to take was start my career. However, Covid put that plan on the back burner for me. At first I was devastated that I couldn’t find a full time job and I would be lying if I said it still doesn’t stress me out from time to time, but I learned something very valuable. I learned that life isn’t defined by a career. Please don’t get me wrong, it is very important and it is something to be extremely proud of when you build one for yourself, but it isn’t your sole life purpose, or at least not for me. I’ve been given all of this extra time to teach myself new things, learn important life skills, explore extracurriculars, and just do and try new things I enjoy. And to me, that’s also special and something to be proud of. I’m not sure I would have been able to do the amount of self discovery if I were to immediately jump into my career. We can’t always control what life throws at us, but we definitely can control how we handle it.

For anyone struggling or feeling discouraged lately due to the pandemic, I’d just like to share a few of the things I decided to do for myself that seriously helped me and continues to help me through it. My biggest suggestion is to keep in mind that self care and having fun is not a waste of time. I feel like that’s something I often have to remind myself as well because we are for some reason trained to believe it is. Remember, it’s not!

One of the most important things I’ve done to make myself feel good during the pandemic was to exercise. It’s just a really good way to clear your head and also feel good about yourself.

Another thing to do is find something you love and just go with it. I love to write, as mentioned before. Not only do I write on here, but I write a lot more in my own journals that I don’t share with anyone. I go to that journal almost everyday and creatively write something. A poem, a short story, a song, or even just how I’m feeling or past feelings. I wrote my first byline for a recent internship I was doing by simply just telling them I love to write. I also reach out to companies and offer freelance work, in which I have something in the works right now. If you feel there isn’t opportunity coming to you, create it for yourself in any way you can. Put yourself and your work out there, even if no one seems to take a second look. Find what you love and just do it, it will pick up on its own in due time. Just don’t give up on it.

You can also pick up a new hobby. With the internet, you can basically teach yourself anything. I recently began teaching myself guitar and I really do enjoy it. It doesn’t have to be guitar though, teach yourself anything. Learn how to cook, sew, take up hiking, or anything else you’ve always wanted to do.

Start your own little side hustle. For the holidays I decided to make charcuterie boards. I didn’t think that really anyone would even want one, but after putting it out there I started to get orders to the point where I could barely handle making all of them. It was something that I enjoyed doing and I was also able to make some extra cash which helped with a few months of paying my student loans. Don’t worry about what people are going to think, just start something. You never know where it could lead to.

Take some time and relax, it’s ok. I was a college student for the past 5 years of my life, so I didn’t always have free time. Now, it seems I have nothing but free time. I took advantage of that fact and started watching shows and movies I always wanted to. I also play A LOT of Animal Crossing. I try to keep myself busy in other ways as I mentioned, but I do enjoy doing nothing sometimes as well.

Those are just a few examples of things that you can get into to make your time feel useful and give yourself a sense of accomplishment when your searching for it. However, it is truly up to you how you want to spend your time. I know it’s hard not feel discouraged in times like these, but I find giving myself a purpose or working towards a goal always gets me motivated and feeling good. Do what you love, or do what you need to to get by. It’s your life, not anyone else’s, so handle it as you choose. Sometimes people sharing their ideas and purposes inspires others in hard times, so feel free to try any of these ideas or even share some things you’ve been doing through the pandemic with me!

‘The Office’: Unpopular Character Rankings

Everyone loves The Office, that’s undeniable (and if you don’t then you may be the problem). However, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be watching a different show than everyone else in the entire world because whenever I mention my favorite/least favorite characters to anyone, they think I’m crazy. As someone who has watched the show in full about ten times, I feel like I have a pretty good analyzation of the characters. Since my choices are often controversial though, I have made an unpopular character rankings list. Let’s see if you have an unpopular opinion as well or if you think this list is completely wrong. (List based solely on characters in the show, not the actors themselves).

1. Ryan Howard

Ok, this is the part that always throws people off. Ryan gets a bad rap, but he is actually the funniest character on the show and extremely misunderstood. He is relatable on new levels. He’s a complex character who starts off as an innocent intern, gets a taste of power, and somehow ends up working in an actual closet. All along this journey he never fails to be ironically funny. The workforce is undeniably filled with assholes, which makes Ryan’s character literally satire because that’s exactly the type of employee he represents. From starting the fire, to stringing along a love interest for years on end, all the way to ditching his own baby and running away, we all know a Ryan and that is the comedic genius behind his character.

2. Creed Bratton

BOBODDY! Completely clueless, but in reality a mastermind convict on the run. Makes no sense, but is always funny and entertaining. He might even be ranked as the funniest character if he had more screen time. Gives out fake ID’s and plays guitar. Cool guy all around and always is good for a laugh.

3. Angela Martin

You call her an uptight bitch, I call her a woman who knows exactly what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it. It’s hard being more competent than almost everyone who surrounds you. I appreciate how she’s not afraid to tell it like it is. Brownie points for seeing how awful Pam is and bullying her almost the entirety of the show.

4. Dwight Schrute

A man of honor. He is a true businessman who cares about his work and protects his fellow employees. He has a hard exterior, but deep down he cares more than anyone else. Always funny, even when he doesn’t try to be. If I were ever lost in the woods with someone, Dwight would be my first choice to be stuck with to keep us alive.

5. Michael Scott

Always funny. Arguably the main character of the show and wasn’t as good when he left. Doesn’t care about work at all, I wish he were my boss. Loves everyone in the office as if they were family (except Toby). However, he cares too much about what people think. Can be pretty ingnorant, but that’s the point of his character so can’t hate on that.

6. Darryl Philbin

Super chill and down to earth. Always have had a soft spot for Darryl, he’s just an agreeable guy. There were never any moments where I was annoyed by his character or minded him being in a scene. Funny through sarcasm which is always enjoyable. Often deserved more before he got it.

7. Kelly Kapoor

Most up to date on pop culture in the office, which makes her super cool. Definitely can be a selfish character, unless it comes to Ryan. Makes a lot of funny comments at the right or even wrong times. Can be annoying.

8. Stanley Hudson

Genuinely does not give a f*** which makes him great. But, he cheats on like all of his wives, so that hurts his ranking.

9. Jim Halpert

Good guy. His pranks are usually genuinely funny, but they do start to get old. All in all I really do like Jim and don’t think the show would be the same without him. However, he is obsessed and married to a wench the entirety show which brings him down in numbers. Should have been with Karen.

10. Toby Flenderson

Has a lot of funny scenes, but almost all of them are just him getting bullied. Means well, but kind of boring and just always gets the shit end of the stick. Apparently in love with Pam as well which is questionable?? Also, becomes obsessed with the Scranton Strangler, like an unhealthy amount, which is weird. Some believe he actually is the Scranton Strangler, but who knows.

11. Kevin Malone

Second best employee in accounting. Even though he isn’t smart which can be kind of annoying to people around him and result in poor work, it’s funny to me. Lower on the ranking list because of his overall hygiene and also because he spilt all the chili.

12. Meredith Palmer

Meredith can be funny and I don’t have anything bad to say about her. She lives her best life and it’s none of my business to get into her personal life. However, I just think the people listed above her have all had more entertaining moments than her.

13. Oscar Martinez

Ehhh, he’s smart, but a major know it all. Can be reliable as a voice of reason, but really I’m not watching the show for that. Good addition that completes the office atmosphere, but is snarky too often to be ranked higher.

14. Phyllis Vance

I just get a bad vibe from Phyllis. She’s nice, but I feel like it’s all an act. For example, the one time she got immense joy blackmailing Angela and then exposing her secret anyway. That told me a lot about her. Also, her perfume smells and she talks about Bob Vance way too much.

15. Andy Bernard

Annoying way too often. Why is he always singing and talking about Cornell? Starts off the show with major anger issues and ends the show being a psychopath who runs away to a deserted island then comes back obsessed with being famous when he is clearly too washed up for that.

16. Pam Beasley

Last but not least, Evil Pam. All she did was whine the first half of the show about how she never got what she wanted, but she would do absolutely nothing about it. She messed with Jim for so long WHILE she was engaged. Kissed Jim multiple times and then acted like she had no part in it when Roy got mad about it. Waited until Jim was in a happy relationship with a normal woman to start moping around over him and made them break up. Second half of the show she realizes the reason she never gets what she wants is because she sucks at everything, so she lies and makes up her own position as office administrator. Cries about Jim following his dreams and actually achieving them, even though Jim supported her following her art dream and she literally failed at it because she sucked. Just overall annoying and I don’t think Pam has ever had a funny line in the show once.

Failure, But Kinda Funny.

Failure is a part of life. Sometimes we experience major failure that we learn from and it ends up defining serious aspects of our lives. Other times we experience failure that is comedic relief for our future selves that we look back on and think “what the …”. For me, I feel like I have experienced an excessive amount of awkward and unnecessary failures from the second I was born. I was just destined for this life. Since we are all collectively experiencing a major failure across the world that is detrimentally impacting so many people, I have decided to share some of my lighthearted failures to lighten the mood. Yes, I have the power to relieve everyone across the globe from pandemic stress by revealing embarrassing stories of myself that will have absolutely no meaning to anyone else. Here is a timeline of just a few of my minor failures which at the time were really shitty and now just a little less shitty because I can laugh at them.

1. Emily Age Three

A long, long, time ago I decided to start my journey of failure. I felt three was an appropriate age to get to work on this, so I began. I had a pet dog, his name was actually Guinness (same name as my dog now, I don’t know why my family keeps renaming our dogs that). Anyway, he was a little fella. I don’t remember much about him since I was only three, I just remember him being short of some sort. For some reason, I loved to terrorize him by sitting on him as if he were a horse. He did not like this at all. Guinness literally tried to run away every single day because of me. But I didn’t stop because apparently, I did not care. One final day he was just gone. Now, I can’t get a straight story about what actually happened to him. Either he finally successfully ran far away from an evil three-year-old or my parents decided to give him to a different loving family where he wouldn’t hate his life. Either way, I am the reason my first dog left and this was the beginning of a long life of failing.

2. Emily About Age Eight???

In elementary school I experienced many stupidly awkward things. From picking up ant traps in the hallway thinking they were pencil sharpeners??? To mistaking my fourth-grade classmate for a teacher. Was I an idiot? However, there is one that has stuck with me. That was performing in the fifth-grade lip sync. You see, I was on a high from the fourth-grade lip sync where I won first place and I just let it get to my head. The fifth-grade lip sync was a disaster, at my own fault. I decided I would perform “Metamorphosis” from my favorite Hillary Duff album. This Hillary Duff album was my prized possession and I just had to do a song from this album. So here we are, the night of the show. I hand my CD to the DJ (a high school student working this shitshow lip sync for community service) and I hit the stage. I totally flopped. My performance was a complete embarrassment in front of about 300 people. A true fall from grace. I was so upset with myself I forgot to grab my Hillary Duff CD from the DJ. The next day I came back begging for it and it was apparently “gone”. I never bought that; how did it just disappear? This one is a daunting failure of mine.

3. Emily Sophomore in High School

I’m skipping the middle school era because that was just awkward for everyone, no matter who you are. Moving on to sophomore year , I kind of went through it. That year sucked. Mainly, because I was not treated with dignity by my older classmates. I remember one history class I raised my hand to talk and a senior girl turned around and called me a “fuckin idiot”. Like, what??? She was a senior in a sophomore history class and I was the idiot? Although I could have countered with many comebacks, I was scared so I just cried instead.

Due to this, I was terrified to present in this class. I already have a major problem with public speaking, so this just made it worse. I remember I had to do a presentation about the Freedom Riders in front of the whole class. I got up to the podium and got about four sentences out then I froze. Just not speaking, standing there. It was so awkward that my nicer classmates decided to chant to boost my confidence. There I was, standing there getting cheered on by my classmates pleading I finish this presentation about the Freedom Riders, while in the back of my head I just kept hearing “fuckin idiot” from my previous slandering. I didn’t finish the presentation. Wasted cheers from classmates and possible confirmation that it was not a lie, I indeed was a fuckin idiot.

4. Emily Senior in High School

I came a long way and was nearing my high school graduation. I played sports, so on the last few nights of high school we had our senior sports banquet. Our school was extremely small, so for each sport the coach would call up the seniors who played and share a nice few word about them in front of everyone in attendance. When it was time for the girls’ basketball team to be honored, our coach called all four of us seniors up in front. There we were, me and my three friends standing in front of all the other sports players and their families. My coach begins down the line of each player, pointing out each one’s strong suits and what they contributed to the team. I was last, so I politely waited my turn and clapped for my friends when they got complimented. Finally, my coach gets to me. This is what she says, and I quote:

               “What can I say about Emily? At least she always tried her hardest”.

That was it.

Listen, I was aware basketball wasn’t my strong suit. But holy shit that was embarrassing. I also really wasn’t that bad either, she just disliked me for no reason. Yet for some reason I loved her. It was a toxic relationship. For example, she would throw a basketball at me when I wasn’t looking and then the next day I’d go to her office to gift her with my class picture just for her to throw it away the second I left the room. I also named her as my favorite educator in the yearbook which is… awkward? We had issues.

Anyway, later that night I won athlete of the year so the joke was on her. And I was definitely awarded for softball, not basketball, but still she didn’t have to roast me like that.

5. Emily Freshman in College

I’ll keep this short. I somehow came in contact with an actual stalker my first week of college. My luck. He followed me to all my classes, stood at the doors while I was literally learning, and made a million Facebooks to keep friend requesting me. His Facebook statuses were extremely vulgar and I had to go to the campus police where I found out he did this to many women. Why was he not kicked out of school? I had to change my whole schedule my first semester of school. I failed at avoiding stalkers on the first week of class and I feel like I should have known better.

________________

See, failures can be funny if you don’t mind being the butt of the entire joke. Sometimes we just need to laugh at ourselves because in reality it is inevitable to avoid failing at some things. These obviously weren’t life changing failures for me, those are far worse that not even a therapist should have to be subjected to. Point is, we learn from our failures and one day we’ll wake up and say “Hey, I shouldn’t sit on dogs”. Now I know. Thank you, failure.

10 Best Albums to Listen to in Full While Social Distancing

It’s been over a month of staying in our homes away from any other social contact and seems as if there is no end in sight. If you’re anything like me, you use music to help you stay somewhat sane. Yes, everyone has different taste in music, but after a month of dealing with just yourself you may be open to other peoples suggestions.

It takes true talent to release a whole album in which each next song is just as good as the last. That is what I like to call a work of art. I think we all love an album in which we can just listen to the same artist do their thing for an hour+ and not get annoyed by the sound of their voice. So without further ado, here is my top 10 albums to listen to in full without having to hit skip.

1. Sweetener by Ariana Grande

Sweetener, Ariana Grande (2018)

No surprise here. Anyone who knows me 100% knew this was coming. However, subjectivity aside, Ariana is an out of this world vocalist. Her 2018 Sweetener album only accented this along with highlighting her ability to be an amazing lyricist. The name of the album couldn’t be more perfect; If you’re looking for something to sweeten up your life THIS is the album to listen to. It is delicate, yet upbeat in every way. The talent Ariana Grande has is inspiring and it can be felt through her music.

Personally, I would say that every single one of Ariana Grandes albums can be listened to in full without a skip (if you have the time try it). I am a Sweetener stan at heart though, so this is my number 1 suggestion.

2. Norman F*****g Rockwell! by Lana Del Rey

Norman F*****g Rockwell, Lana Del Rey (2019)

Oh, Lana. Your music is truly just a masterpiece. An angelic voice singing the most beautiful combination of words. I wish I had her mind because her lyrics give me goosebumps. This is what I call a true song writer. NFR has been on repeat in my head ever since it came out. I truly idolize this album and I think every single person should be required to listen to it at least once in their lifetimes. Lana sings about love and tragedy in the prettiest way. A true high just listening to this album, no words can even express my love for this album. You just need to listen.

3. After Hours by The Weeknd

After Hours, The Weeknd (2020)

Who better to write about heartbreak than The Weeknd? This album came out just at the right time because I can listen to it for hours and do absolutely nothing. The Weeknd has the talent to make all of his songs flow and on this album he does this effortlessly. Each song is aesthetically pleasing and soothing. Listening to this album should definitely be on your quarantine to do list.

4. Back to Black by Amy Winehouse

Back to Black, Amy Winehouse (2006)

It’s sad that this was only Amy Winehouse’s second studio album, yet the last. Listening to the album is a bittersweet experience, but it is so good. We all wish there was more for Amy Winehouse to add to her discography, but we are lucky to have just a sliver of her soulful work. This album is beautifully mysterious in all the right ways. From her badass persona to a deeply sensitive romantic, Winehouse hits all the right spots in just one release. Back to Black has always been and always will be an all around album for the ages.

5. Swimming by Mac Miller

Swimming, Mac Miller (2018)

Wow, another legend gone too soon on this list. Swimming was a magnificently created album by Mac Miller. It was a step outside of what Mac Miller was known for when it came to releasing music, but that didn’t stop him from hitting the nail right on the head with this one. This album was all about self discovery and was a sentimental piece for Miller. The heart he put into this album literally radiates through each song which makes this album so special. A truly sentimental album that can be listened to over and over again as if it’s the first time hearing it.

6. Golden Hour by Kacey Musgraves

Golden Hour, Kacey Musgraves (2018)

Golden Hour has had my heart from the second it was released. It is relatable on another level. Kacey Musgraves touches base on all the highs and lows of being human in this album. All the emotions we feel throughout our lifetimes are perfectly assembled here and put into 46 minutes. Her calming tone is pure magic and makes any heart happy. Many people believed Kacey Musgraves was the dark horse at the 2019 Grammys when Golden Hour received album of the year, but I knew it deserved that award from the day I heard it.

7. Lover by Taylor Swift

Lover, Taylor Swift (2019)

Listening to Lover is comparable to landing on a cloud and just floating there for a little over an hour. I. LOVE. TAYLOR. SWIFT. I always have, but this album played at my heartstrings like none of her other albums ever have. Taylor Swifts talent is unquestionable, but the songs she is able to write are unbelievable. This album is all about love and happiness and I am here for all of it. Lover is just a bright, storytelling, open notebook and I love every second of it.

8. Rumours By Fleetwood Mac

Rumours, Fleetwood Mac (1977)

There’s no doubt that I was not alive in 1977 when this album was released, but it was kept alive by the generations before us which makes it so infinite. This album definitely doesn’t need a persuasion of how great it is from me because it speaks for itself and has made enough of a mark on the music world. I just love this album and always will because it’s nostalgic for me, so I can’t even imagine how nostalgic it is for everyone before me. Rumours is a gem.

9. Ctrl by SZA

Ctrl, SZA (2017)

This album has made an appearance in almost every single one of my playlists I’ve made ever since 2017. When this album came out, it did not disappoint. SZA has such a beautiful voice, the type that never gets old. Match that with this personal album from her and you get this perfectly crafted work of art. I genuinely love this whole album and wish I could just share it with everyone who hasn’t listened to it in full.

10. Fine Line by Harry Styles

Fine Line, Harry Styles (2019)

This album does something for the soul. It’s so fun to listen to, yet warms the heart at the same time. It has just enough endearing value to it with a touch of upbeat happiness in a few songs that peaks through and makes it one of those albums that fits whatever mood you’re in. From chilling in your room to just a drive, this album passes all of the tests and I couldn’t love it more.

Welcome to My Subconscious

Hi. I’ll make this short and sweet (Actually, no I won’t).

I really love to write. Ever since I was little, I always just wrote down anything and everything. Probably because I have so many thoughts that scramble around in my brain, writing all of it down helps relieve the dizziness. I also really enjoy expressing myself in my own environment because my really bad character trait of the desire to be liked by everyone tends to get in the way of that.

Not to say I’m a “shy” person or afraid to say how I feel, but my anxiety tends to attack after the fact when I’m sitting in bed and convince myself that every single person I interacted with that day hates me. I’m really good at that; Pretty confident I can convince myself that my own mother probably hates me. I also refuse to go through a drive-thru at any fast food place because I’m afraid of them and don’t want to impose and ask for an extra sauce. In simplest terms, I’m in my own head… really bad.

I hate to admit it, but I can be a self-conscious person. In this day and age though, I feel like this isn’t uncommon. Just having any social media platform is like judgement day for most people, unless you’re the type of person who has no filter and doesn’t even think twice about what other people think, then for that I commend you. But, that’s just not me. Maybe I can put on a good front if you’re reading this and are thinking “That doesn’t sound like her”, but that’s a lot of credit I’m giving myself to think anyone is even reading this and if you are, you’re probably my mother and I’d like to let you know that I don’t actually think you hate me, ok?

Back to the point, all of this being reasons as to why I’ve resorted to writing, A LOT. I don’t share what I write with people, so therefore, don’t have to worry about people. I do though, feel like I have a passion for writing and sometimes find an ounce of courage to share what I write.

 I have thought about making my own blog, but even that feels like I’d be stepping off a cliff and falling into a pool of judgement, so I have always quickly retracted. However, when my boyfriend came up with the idea to create a public blog and allow me to write, I couldn’t resist. Finally, someone with the balls to do what I couldn’t do… I’ve been waiting?

Now I’m not saying I’m going to resort to this being my diary (I don’t have one of those if you are wondering, but if you do that’s totally cool. Thinking about that, maybe I should invest in one). ANYWAY, I’ll being writing about pretty much anything… Except sports. Sorry, you’re looking at the wrong persons feed if that’s what you’re looking for, try LITERALLY anyone else here.

If you’re still here, thank you mom. But seriously, stay tuned for miscellaneous, somewhat comical yet controversial posts from me. They won’t all be this long. I may make you sign a disclaimer to agree not to hate me after reading my posts, though. I don’t know yet.